Chronicle of experience, circus life, training, an
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This is probably going to be my last post. Things put online from here on out will be super short and non descriptive. Management now has access to this journal and word has gotten back to me to be careful. Feld is very protective of its name and highly prefers people to keep inner workings quiet.
I don’t fully understand the ramifications of why things need to be kept behind a black curtain but it definately adds to the allure and mystery of the circus.
For those of you who have followed me this far, I sincerely thank you and please do call me once in awhile. Things have begun to get routine here anyway. Same old shit, different pile lol :)
Today was rather shitty. Literally lol. It was our dark day, no shows, and most of the crew had off today except for 5 people. 3 working the 8 to 3 shift, me from 3 to 9, and then the overnight guy.
The barn looked pretty good when I arrived and today was supposed to be easy, however, it was not. 18 horses, 5 zebras, and 2 mini horses is a lot for one person to look after.
Typically on days like today there is never one person working a day shift alas, I was on my own with only the horses and my phone to keep me company.
Well that’s not entirely true… Around 6 taba called me over to his mobile home and we had an hr long relaxed conversation about many things. The most interesting part was that he asked me to not fear him, to speak my mind, and not be deceptive. The longer I am around, the more reliable, and the more reassurance he has that ill be around for a long time, the more ill be taught. Sounds like most relationships lol.
After that I tried to feed, clean, and water all of the animals… it didn’t seem like a daunting task but not even half of it got done before 830 which is when the bus arrived to drop off the night shift man and pick me up… I was going to stay to finish stuff but I was ushered onto the bus of which I was happy for.
Tomorrow is about personal redemption and fulfilling my need to be social :) too much time alone drives people mad.
The word of the day is definetly train. The days shows regarding the black arabs were ridiculous. Two, one at 130 and one at 530. Preshow went smoothly for me both times and then the shows.
I’ve taken it upon myself to help train Ali, who is the worst behaved of the 4 black arabs, to stand. It requires intense focus to be able to watch, correct, and reward his every move but that is what it takes to effectively teach a horse a skill. Eventually, with constant correction, which I am now giving, he will learn that the easiest thing is to stand totally still like the experienced fresian, paints, and fjords.
Well we get to the ring and the command to waltz is given, he is too far away for me to do anything, and he doesn’t do it. All the while I am staring at him practically talking out loud to him. The second command to waltz is given and he is right in front of me. He waltzes. Third time he was too far for me to do anything and he misses it :/ the rest of the act was ok, but not very smooth. The horses have been misbehaving and spooking more often probably because more people with whips are trying to correct their mistakes. Seems like a counterproductive cycle but something has to be done to change their behavior.
Second show we get behind the curtain and Ali is listening to me pretty well. Our focus was mostly on one another, to the point where I wasnt really registering much else going on around me, only responding to Ali and the cues of the show.
Now this gets kind of metaphysical. We go to enter the stage and my heart begins to pound, Ali spooks, I check him and he falls back into line. The whole rest of the show I felt fear and was high on adrenaline. When I let him go into the ring, one of our more knowledgeable crew walks next to him and moves him thru the waltz which in theory will retrain him to do the moves when the cue is given. All the while I am watching intently and I keep thinking wow I’m afraid, is something going to go wrong, are the lights too bright, is someone going to get hurt, why am I feeling this when ive done the show multiple times?
Then my fear peaks when the horses are asked to par duex (2 by 2) which is approximately the time that Ali spooks again and begins cantering uncontrollably.
At this point I believed the fear I felt to be Alis; he was showing all of the indications of fear… and we had been interacting quite well previously during our mini standing training session. Well I decided to feel as much of Ali as I could. Fixating on him, thinking, and channeling his fear into me then converting it to something calmer… believe it or not as I was thinking about this and trying to slow down my/ our heart rates he began trotting and he wasn’t flinging his head anymore.
Then…. par 4. Ali wasn’t responding again. They go around once with people trying to use the whips to move ali into line and it just scares him more. He gets near me, I think with everything I can focus “step in line/ move over”, I stand slightly and he jumps into line.
They stop, show is over, we trot out and I praise him, then our heart rates slow down and the adrenaline wears off… FINALLY… His skin was the warmest I’ve ever felt from him and I would bet my life it was because he was afraid.
I shall take it upon myself to help this horse learn his job. No matter how frightening it seems to be now for some reason he can continue to learn. He is only 3 years old doing a synchronized routine in front of thousands of people under strange lights and loud music. People say the 4 black arabs have come a long way since joining the show and every horse has to start somewhere.
After the show both bosses came to the barn talking loudly in portugese… probably speaking about how to better the routine with the green arabs. No one said anything to me, but I am pretty sure lou knew how I influenced the show… now I plan to keep it up and make it more noticeable and tangible.
All of these years of horse sense is really paying off and people are starting to acknowledge it. Some of this info I forgot I even knew, like what exactly bute does, the visual difference from alfalfa, timothy, and orchard grass hay :)
Second reason why the word of the day is train: there was a punch party on the train with the best jungle juice I’ve ever had. These people know how to drink lolz. Didn’t stay long because the crowd was a bunch of older white people so Eric, the head train porter, showed me around the train. There are like 7 some different types of rooms. Half car, 1/4, 1/5, 1/8, 1/12, 1/14 and family cars. I am in the 1/14 but at least I don’t have to share the rm.
Eric showed me a 1/5 and it had its own kitchen, shower, and washing machines. The types of job positions living there included transpo (person who drives tigers from the parking lot to the arena and back) and pay master. Some lead acts as well including our juggling sisters.
Eric is now the head train porter and will be moving into a 1/8 with a larger bed, a stove, and a full size fridge. Pretty neat :) turns out our stable manager has a pretty small rm so as a part of horse crew I am condemned to my small coffin. The way to get a bigger rm is to submit an application for a management type job once I’ve been with the circus for forever and a year lolz.
Anyways, tomorrow has a lot in store. Planning to make this rm more like home, might go to the market, and am working on what was supposed to be my day off with an overly flirtatious portugese man heh. The social dynamics over here are def getting complex.
Yesterday: the shows went well but the horse I lead has begun not responding to commands all the time. He missed the first waltz of everyshow. Lou, the presenter/ tabas wife, has asked that I help correct him from now on. When they give the command I am to stand up immediately and step towards him, maybe I will be given a whip to assist more effectively.
In the barn I have been affectionatly nicknamed Sammy. Its strange to be called the name I had in elementary school but they seem to like it. Speaking of liking, I got my first paycheck… it was ridic small and I began asking how to make more money. There are a few ways, each load in and load out pays like $37, going overland (driving ahead of the train and arriving at the next location before the train), driving the vehicles to go overland, and then the last option which isiashs told me about because he likes me, riding in the stocks with the animals during transport.
So ill ask taba if I can ride stocks or drive, then my pay checks should be fatter.
Last night walking from the venue to the train was much easier considering I was walking with someone who knew where he was going.
Met a lot of people last night because I attending the remnants of a crew party. They gave me food, the best jello shots I’ve ever had, and introduced themselves. Gave me some hilarious information as well. They said the male to female ratio is like 15: 1 and the way I walk makes me dangerous, or something lols.
This is abdul, the only stallion I’ve ever groomed. My position with the horse crew has been set for now, groom of abdul and morocco, lead of bullseye in pre show, and lead of ali in the actual show. Tasks change as needed and I am pretty much tabas trained human. He says fetch and I immediately respond. Guess I’ve always been this obedient with a boss. Today he grabbed my wrist, looked at my watch, and patted my shoulder. Dunno if an american boss would do something so invasive, but I could go on and on about what that meant to me thru body language.
Now that I am groom and we only had two shows today, 1030 and 730 we all had a 5 hr break. Filled it with food, nap, and yoga. Today wasn’t so much about work, but more so my future and the relationships I am building here. Getting to know some of these guys is heart breaking. Living on the train, they have seen so many people come and go. Knowing this, getting attached to these people seems dangerous. But I believe I’ve decided to do it anyway. Currently this is my life and I wish to expierence it to the fullest and not fear the pain of anyone leaving…
That being said, I was forced to think about my future again today… learning everything I could about this job in the present made me loose sight of the future. Plans may be graduate school in the next year or two and get a fellowship, apply to cavalia, join a different circus, or apply to work at a zoo.
Tomorrow morocco and abdul get their first bath by me maybe with glaysens help if he isn’t too pissed at me from our crazy adventure today. I decided to walk from the arena to the train and couldn’t catch up with zebe in time so glaysen walked with me. Well i got us lost and walked for an hr. He ended up buying me dinner and saying he was compelled to protect me.
Seriously, I wonder if these guys would be so interested in me if we were in the “real” world. Lol sucks for them.
This morning was slow and boring but I did figure out how to do some yoga moves utilizing the trains railings and steps :) Its kind of cool living with a bunch of weird people because there is no room for judgement lolz. Anyway I caught the 1130 and got to the arena just in time for preshow. After grabbing an already groomed bullseye we walked down to begin. Half way down the ramp, when I realized no one was following us, did it dawn on me that I was “performing” the preshow with Isiahas and Alex. It consists of two mini horses and a baby zebra in the middle walking in liberty doing some formation style tricks. After that we led the horses down for opening and the act itself. Led in Ali, the horse from yesterday again and did a better job. For the next 5 hrs I was stable watch, cleaning, watering, and loving the animals. Cherokee got his carrots and I spent a lot of time with Glason who recently reinjured a broken shoulder.
The second show was a little more confusing. My role was the same as the first show but taba was leading two horses in front of me. Somewhere along the line he gave them to me and mine to Tino. Eventually the elephant girls that help us arrived and took one from me. But I still had the lead horse in my hands! Wtf I thought, am I really entering the ring with the first horse!? Finally isasiahs was able to pass of the zebra he was leading to snag the one I had.
Isaiahs is our stable manager and a pretty good guy as well. Side note: during that 5 hr break he took the arab stallion soultan into the larger pen and ran/played with him for 15 mins. It looked a lot like round penning and by the end soultan was following him around. Very pretty to watch while cuddling cherokee.
Nothing interesting happened during the last show, which is a good thing, and I got to leave early :)
About 30 mins ago I was told that I will begin grooming tomorrow! Glason is injured so I will clean his two horses, abdul and mohammed, two white arabs that are not used in the show. Once glason is healed, I will be evaluated and if I do a good job I can keep those horses.
It has been almosg exactly one week and I am now a groomer :) things here at the circus change everyday as things are needed or thought about. Enough wishing, dreaming, hoping, and hard work + a random extraneous circumstance has led me to achieving yet another goal in a very short amount of time.
For the record, there is dirt that has embedded itself into my callouses and finger prints. But its totally worth it.
Tons of cool things happened today. Didn’t have to go in to work till 230 which means I missed the 730 practice for the horses, and only worked 8 hrs. During the day I checked out a bazaar and found kinder schokolade! And was bought lunch by a coworker.
At work I focused on cleaning a ton and prepared the barn for an open house. Both the tigers and horses have larger dirt pens to run in now so the public got quite a show. Horses that don’t get to run often are always basket cases when they finally can move around freely aaand the tigers that were adjacent got incredibly excited by the sight of running horses :)
After open house I was told to prepare for preshow and pay close attention to the commands because I may soon participate in it. They are waltz, en pass (insert name), pa duex, and comme here. We were incredibly short staffed today so I got included in quite a bit.
Then we prepared for the only show of the day. I was originally to walk eddie a fjord but one of the elephant crew showed up to walk him. Just as I had settled with the fact I wasn’t going to walk I was asked to grab one of the black arabs (which are really bay) and walk him. Ali is kind of high strung so when we were walking I kept a close eye on him to make sure I wouldn’t get bit or that he kept walking and not trotting. Taba showed me a neat trick with the lead and the bit to help keep control of the head which worked quite well. I suppose he did notice that I had good form with Ali while walking him.
Today I spent a lot of time bonding with each horse. Since Im practically cleaning stalls all day, when ever I enter a stall, I great the horse, pet him, play, move their body, and overall just feel them out for a few minutes. Then get to work and say good bye. This, in theory, will be helpful in terms of the horses respecting me when walking, and it should help the horses that arent used in the show to stay more stimulated. <3
So we go into the ring and I unclip him and let him go like I’ve done for the other horses in center ring. But unfortunately the black horses are led in a “liberty” and walked around for a bit before let go if they even are. Oh well. Learning an act with several different parts cant happen overnight especially if there is no formal training and the participant must rely on observation and questions to understand what is going on.
Here is a ridic coincidence. That horse eddie that I was supposed to lead kicked the elephant girl in the stomach. Would that have happened with me, who has years of horse sense?
Aaanyway, I was told I may be assigned two of the blacks and that they know I am qualified. It all depends on whether or not our stable watch comes back from his random errand he went on.
Right now I am in the honda center arena watching people practice. Silks, juggling, unicycle, and straps. And here is the best part :) as soon as I sign a release I may practice as well. Everyone on silks speaks Portuguese but me soooo ill have to transcend the language barrier some how. Its always a good day when goals are achieved.
Since I am still technically stable watch, my schedule is that I go to work at 230 pm and work till 9 cleaning, watering, and maybe eventually feeding. But since we are short staffed, one person left and one is on some weird errand, they need me to come in early and participate some more. Maybe while I am learning/ performing all of these tasks, they will realize I am good at it, and include me more in order to make their lives easier. I VANT TO VORK dAmmit.
Life on the train is getting to be more social as I meet more people but writing about that would probably be best in a private journal. heh, but the men here are CRAZY forward. GTFO and let me shovel some shit because I am too stressed adjusting to a new life to give a damn about how much you likey me. hehe It is kind of fun tho.
After 14 hrs of sleep I spent my first day off with colleen who works in our pie car as a cook. She mentioned being extremely careful about keeping an online blog sooo yeah entries will be getting shorter, may even stop if I begin fearing my job enough. Apparently circuses are relatively secretive societies and feld entertainment is no different.
We spoke of many different topics while wandering around a shopping center close to the train. Finding the cheapest mode of transportation to and from the train would help me adjust to this lifestyle greatly. I found a rave in orange county on the 13th called pacific festival that I need to figure out transportation for… :)
Hanging out with a friend today and exploring def made this circus dream more of a reality. On the way back to my car for the night I could see the fireworks from disneyland! And there are so many more sights to see on this tour, like Amanda in a few days, seaworld in san diego, and Beta in Colorado.
Don’t have to work till 230pm tomorrow which means there is finally time to watch Water for elephants. So far its def a must see.
“Do you know what the circus does kid? You said it yourself kid. Blood, sweat, pain, and shit.”
Picture is of an AC unit for the barn/ horses. Craaaazah looking.
After my first load in I totally now understand why there is such a high turn around rate here with ringling brothers…. unless you have a comfy inside job like a manager or a pay master, then holy hell this job is physically demanding. After 3 hrs of sleep, I awoke at 6 am to go to the honda center and begin setting everything up. We spent all day in the sun hauling things by forklift and hand until 330 pm…
First came the giant tent, the fencing, then the rubber mats, the metal stalls, then the bedding, buckets, hay, water, tack, grooming trunks, sweeping… and that not including what needed to be done with the tigers. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I didn’t really lift any of the heavy metal but I was supporting the men. Laying out pieces, fetching equipment, doing all the sweeping, tieing, hanging, bedding ect.
Yes I have a farmers tan now and was incredibly bitchy by the end of our shift. Around 2 taba told me I worked like a 40 yr old woman… I wasn’t in the mood and sharply said give me two more load ins, then ill be adjusted. Its either that or I’m gone.
But I won’t leave… this is my life now and I’m investing way too much thought to let a lot of physical work deter me from being good at what I do for work.…
Load in and load out teaches discipline, endurance, and pain tolerance. Today was marvelous when you think about how much stress the human body can adjust to. The men on our team must have lifted well over a ton today… in the sun.
Another day working for the ringling bros union.
Saw and heard a lot of drama today. The heat must have been getting to us. Don’t really think sharing that info is a good idea here but it has to do with the heirachy bs again… I’m too new to engage in the drama but I can really relate… here I am one of the only ones with previous horse expierence, not even allowed to unload a trailer or bathe a horse. Wtf. I could be the one training the horses! Ok maybe not all of them, but def at least one.
Saving grace is tomorrow is a day off. Sleep in, go to flea market, find piercing salon, go to target, and find apples/ carrots for cherokee :)
Day 3 learned a valuable lesson. Do not expect anything within the show. My part in todays 3 shows varied greatly. First show I wasn’t a part of at all but made a great effort to watch everything. Second show I was able to walk in one of the fjords but only because a more senior crew member allowed me to. 3rd show I was given a spot because one of our guys was already in the stocks, the horse trailer on the train, and we were one person short.
Its a beautiful thing to watch horse and trainer go thru their routine. The routine, as I percieve it, is as follows: it changes almost every show. But the far ring has 4 brown arabs, center ring has 3 paints and 3 fjords, close ring has 4 zebras, and after the main act a white arab performs a trick and then a clown and a mini horse perform the same trick.
Today I was calmer and more able to contribute. I earned my place… we did load out in 4 hrs and I annihilated my back sweeping saw dust.
The whole compound, stall, matts, buckets, gear and all has to get cleaned and packed away… it was brutal. Dunno why I’m not asleep yet. Oh yeah, doing laundry because I my uniform was rank.
Load in at anaheim is at 6 am.
Also been building a bond with cherokee, the blue eyed paint from the previous picture. Streched his legs a little today and hope to build up to deeper and more useful streches. He is so adorable.
Last thing: met a bassist named jerome and a nursery attendant named stevie. Must continue to meet a few people each day :) this place is its own mini city!
About Chronicle of experience, circus life, training, an
